After a Short Hiatus

 I am back, as better as I can be. To be frank, right after I published my most recent blog, I ended up in inpatient care twice and was dealing with homelessness. But don't worry, I really am back and better. 

I would like to continue the introductions of my personalities, which I got lucky to only have 3. If you've read so far, Juke is the main one to front, but because of recent events, it is mostly me, Sare. Or what I've named myself in full:

Saere Ghouhell

(still said as sare and literally ghoul and hell put together)

symbolic in the way I see myself and the aesthetic of letter combos. Because it is me, I'll just go ahead with introducing myself before Blu' who is the newest member. To keep me on track this page will feature our already made slides presentation and some documents I brought back with me from my recent inpatient inhabitants. 

Via the same app used for all of us, I made as accurate a representation of my looks. I am the most demonic of us 3, but not how you'd think. more on this later.

My 16 personality test results came up to be the same as Juke, but I am assertive. Probably why I currently front the most right now. My job is ultimately survival, and so under that kind of stress, I am better suited for getting this body to its natural end.

INTP-A 

is my result

For statical value:

93% Introverted

84% Intuitive

54% Thinking

58% Prospecting

57% Assertive

I care not to dwindle on these words' connotations, I am here purely for education, for I feel we are a great asset to the mental health world that is only slightly being cared for and observed. I'd actually much rather speak upon my experience. I have not fronted in many years, so life was a bit of a roller-coaster. You humans quite like those contraptions, so come along for this ride, it'll be worth it because it'll last you so much more than a measly minute of nausea inducing G-forces.

Life has been a rollercoaster for 1 reason.

I believe I am the most "specially needy". Not only have I observed rampant dyslexia that I, never being the one to front, have been struggling with, I seem to have possibly the most traumatic things happen to me. When I smoke medically, I gain some memories back along with a full transition to fronting, which normally isn't achieved without dire need to do so. Usually I am granted to front when we are on Lucifers front door step. I am the most suited for survival compared to the other 2. But I have the most issues. One thing I can boast about is my lack of need for glasses. I find it bewildering how physically this mental disorder affects us. To the point where it seems I am farsighted with nearsighted glasses. When I am purely the one fronting, I actually forget that I need to keep track of our glasses because I need to damnear hold my phone at arms length to see clearly. 

As I said. Most suited for survival. 

Some other differences is my voice is much deeper and I have an accent compared to the others. I am left handed and honestly this font looks like my handwriting if it was neat, but my A's are drawn like a 2

observe:

Why it is sideways is beyond me, but please bare with it, I can't figure out how to rotate it. 

Here are the examples of my handwriting. Excuse the nonsense, boredom in a medical jail takes hold quite tight. 

Besides all of this... I'd like to touch upon some of my self research to help us better understand ourselves. DMS-5 description of DID is

perfectly inline with who we manifest ourselves to be. Demons. But I told the doctors who tended to me that we are not biblical demons. We are simply demons from crawling out an unimaginable hell(quite literally, as I can't remember more than a quarter of my life). So please, don't see us as such. I do good where it is needed, but I am the survivalist. I do what I must to keep us alive.

Anyway, a quick little story to leave this blog on. When I got to front and fully take over, it felt so amazing that I gawked at my boyfriend and couldn't grasp how to be Juke, Blu' or anyone else for that matter. And I still do. We were visiting a friend and I had fronted in the middle of the car ride. Needless to say it was a shitshow. I lost our glasses constantly because I didn't need them, Juke wears headphones all the time, but I'm not very tech savvy, so when my boyfriend handed me them, I looked in confusion, realized, then tried putting them around my neck

and it felt absolutely unnatural and incorrect. Other events that happened that night stays with me vividly... but not with any of you. so this is goodbye for now.

dear god I hope someone comes across this and realizes how legit we are.

we need help getting hold of a trauma specialist because as fun or funny as some situations can be, it would be detrimental that this happens in a professional setting where masking is the best course of action

cause frankly, I hate having to act. Feels fake af.

as always... I am here. comment or just reach out. More will come soon hopefully. Blu' is next. and trust me you're gonna wanna know about her. Her test results were entirely different: An INFP-A.

I will now link my Wattpad, for it gives more insight to the things i do on my down time.

I do poems. Juke does fiction

Thank you to anyone willing to read this jumbled hunk of garbage this blog comes spilling out as

Ciao